In Her Shoes Home

Side-Eye Syndrome

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By: Ellisa Oyewo

Your co-worker comes in and starts exclaiming about a new position or opportunity that has just opened up for her. You gently smile because of course, you should be happy for your friend or peer. As soon as they turn their head though you give them a sharp side eye. You quickly re-group because you can’t show the one emotion that you’re beginning to feel…jealousy.

In an ideal world everyone would honestly be happy for everyone.  But if we were honest with ourselves we have been in a similar situation atleast once in our lives.  It’s the feeling that sometimes you feel life is unfair. You begin to compare your achievements to others.  Statements begin to run through your head such as “Well, I work just as hard or even harder” or “The only  reason she received it is because (insert a ridiculous excuse here).”

One thing we must realize that it does not matter if the person cheated their way to the top or moved up with integrity, what is for you is for you. We all have a specific destiny and purpose in life. If we continue to worry about others we will never complete our own. What you put out is what you get back. If you put out a jealous spirit with other’s achievements, don’t act surprised when your door opens and people want to close it. At the end of the day, be happy for others even if they don’t  think they “deserve it.”  If you didn’t receive that opportunity there is something better out there for you.

Just remember, if everyone around you is being blessed that means YOUR blessing is just around the corner.

Miracles & Blessings,

Ellisa Oyewo

As a New York City storyteller, filmmaker, digital content creator, and PR strategist, Renae Bluitt created "In Her Shoes" to empower and enlighten women committed to realizing their dreams.


  1. Tirinda

    February 18, 2010 at 11:34 am

    Great post. I couldn’t agree more.

  2. Molaundo

    February 18, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Great article! I know it may be cliche, but this piece makes me think to myself, ‘No matter what, don’t hate on someone else’s successes!’

    There’s absolutely no need for people to be grimy or to show hate, whatever industry you’re in. If you’re staying focused and working hard, you will get what’s yours in due time. Time will always tell.

    If you’re hot, you’re hot. And if you’re not, you’re not. Hating on someone else will have absolutely no effect on the latter and will only hurt the former. Unfortunately, most haters don’t even know they’re hating because it’s organic to them. So wack…

  3. TRJ

    February 18, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    This was a great post. Back in high school, I remember helping one of my friends rehearse for an oratorical contest that we were both in and she ended up placing higher than I did! I was very annoyed and frustrated because it always seems like helping others always knocked me further behind.

    It took me years to understand that individual success belongs to the individual. Sometimes I felt like I worked harder and that my heart was pure and I still get overlooked. Now that I realize that my destiny does not lie within focusing on what someone else has accomplished.

    Instead, I try to focus on helping others get ahead because we always stand taller with someone else on our shoulders.

  4. Jessica Walden

    February 18, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    These are words to live by, “Just remember, if everyone around you is being blessed that means YOUR blessing is just around the corner.”

  5. Kemi

    February 18, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    This article is very true. It is hard not to feel some way towards a person or a situation because we are human; but we need to understand that God has something great for everyone- something that is bigger than we have imagined for ourselves.

  6. Kimm

    February 18, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    I agree. It seems hard sometimes to be happy for others when you are throwing a pity party. When you are happy for others, you begin to have more faith that your situation will change for the better.

    Great post!

  7. gg

    March 3, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    Just remember, if everyone around you is being blessed that means YOUR blessing is just around the corner.

    THIS^^^^^^^^^^is what i needed to hear. smile

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